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It’s 2019 — the top two highest paid celebrities are women, there are whole marches and movements dedicated to the power of females, and there are more women in congress than ever before (let’s hear it for the ladiesss!!). So why, oh why, are we smashing through glass ceilings and demanding equality, but still dealing with such intense societal pressures? It’s because there are some traditions and beliefs that are so inherent to society that sometimes we don’t even know to question them — one of these beliefs is the idea that we have a specific timeline to follow. But what happens when the timeline — degree, marriage, children — doesn’t work out as expected (because it never really does)?

 

 

Three of our editors are sharing their experience with the pressure to stick to a timeline, in order to bring awareness to the unfair expectations that are put on our shoulders by society, loved ones, or ourselves. We are going to be the new generation that writes our own rules, and decides to do things our way. But in order to do that, we have to recognize the timelines we give ourselves first.

One of our favorite girl crushes, Katie Couric partnered with the global skincare brand SK-II for the latest #ChangeDestiny campaign, inspiring women all over the globe to follow their own dreams and rewrite their timelines. We were inspired by the powerful video exploring women’s dreams and how they clash with loved ones’ expectations.

Watch SK-II’s video to learn more about the clash between dreams and expectations for women, and read on for our own perspectives and how we’re ready to do things differently.

 

 

My mom and dad married each other at the ages of 22 and 25 respectively — a fact I knew in my head from a very young age. And while they have never put a certain pressure on me to follow the same timeline they did, I remember growing up having the thought that “22 is the age when you get married.” Not only that, but both my mom and sister met the men who would become their husbands when they were each 17 years old — another fact that I’ve subconsciously carried with me for years.

Both the milestones of ages 17 and 25 have come and gone, and I’m no closer to marriage now than I was then. Again I say that no one in my family has ever placed pressure on me to align with their own timelines — but it’s easy to feel that you’re doing something wrong (or missing out on something) when you don’t follow a pattern.

Unfortunately, the timeline in my head depicting when I should get married has nothing to do with what I grew up wanting or what I see and want for myself — instead, it focuses solely on how others see me. I put pressure on myself to get married sooner rather than later because I never want anyone to see me as unworthy, pathetic, or as damaged goods — things I would never say about anyone else unmarried, but that I frequently allow myself to think about myself. When I see other women living out their career dreams, forming friendships, traveling the world, and doing other things independently, I applaud them — but worry that others wouldn’t applaud me for doing the same.

It’s important for me to remember and to hear from other women that we are all in this life together — we all want to support each other and lift each other up as opposed to tearing down each other’s choices. As quick as I am to praise other women for embracing a life of individuality and independence, I should be even quicker to praise those qualities in myself. I may or may not get married some day — but that decision should be and will be based on what I want, not on what I think others would respect.

 

 

 

While I haven’t felt the same societal pressures from culture like these women in the video discuss, and I am #blessed with parents who truly only want me to be happy (whatever happiness looks like to me), there’s still no escaping “the Timeline” (capital “T”). My Timeline comes in the form of an inherent desire to have children. Like, if I could have 10 kids, I would. I’d be like that little old lady who lived in a shoe and had so many children she didn’t know what to do — some girls dream of being CEO, I dream of being a nursery rhyme.

However, I still want the dream career that lasts a lifetime, and I still want the Happily Ever After with a marriage that sweeps me off my feet before children ever become a part of the picture. Add that on top of ongoing reproductive problems that have instilled a consistent anxiety that my fertility journey won’t exactly be a breeze, and my window of time, even at a young 24, doesn’t exactly seem so wide.

I feel very fortunate that I’m in a healthy, happy relationship, much younger than I ever thought I would be. My boyfriend and I are very much on the same page about pursuing our individual careers and lives for the time being, but there’s still the anxiety of the uncertain. Sure, it feels like “forever,” but in the chance that it doesn’t work out, does that mean I have to start over? As young as I am and as much life I have yet to live, I can’t escape the nagging thought in the back of my mind that there’s a timeline I need to stick to in order to start a family. It almost feels like I need to not only be “on time,” but be ahead of time in order to make that anxiety go away. And being “ahead of time” or even just “on time,” will probably never happen like it should.

Is it just me, or is it painfully apparent to anyone else that men don’t really have the same idea of “Timeline,” if for no other reason than they do not literally have a biological ticking time bomb? SK-II’s video reminded me to be aware of the pressure I put on myself to follow a timeline, and try to separate my dreams from my own expectations. I may not become the little old lady who lived in a shoe, but I want to enjoy my 20s with a little more faith that everything will happen when the timing is right — not “right” because it’s the next notch in my Timeline, but “right” because I’m actually happy.

 

 

 

 

Back in my 20s, I had a life plan that would determine my happiness. I would figure out my career, get married, and have a baby by the time I was 30.

My career was just starting to come together at 29 when we launched The Everygirl, and I struggled financially the next few years while we grew our website. I was already failing. This video spoke of timelines and milestones: a degree, a marriage, and a family. I can relate so much to these young women who feel pressure to reach those milestones by a certain age. There’s so much pressure to do the things society tells us will make us complete.

The self-imposed timelines killed me for most of my 20s and 30s. Some days, I felt great about where I was; others, I felt like I’d never figure it all out. Whether it’s reaching a certain point in your career, owning a home, buying that designer bag you’ve wanted for forever, starting a family, or gaining more Instagram followers, there’s always something we want or think we need in order to be happy — in order to be enough.

When these things don’t happen exactly when we think they should – which is often how that works out – we’re left feeling “less than” or incomplete. In an age where we can follow thousands of people we don’t know on social media, seeing how good we think everyone has it can be really damaging. The engagement and baby announcements, weddings, vacations, designer clothes, and often curated moments are a small piece of the puzzle – a glimpse.

I was a victim to the pressure. Learning to let go of timelines was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I got married at 35 had a baby a few months before my 36th birthday. The way my life turned out is exactly what I was afraid of, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happened years after when I thought they should, but I learned so much along the way. I grew a company, traveled, and figured out who I was before finding someone to commit myself to — before taking on parenthood when I had so much growing up to do.

I forged my own path. I wish I had worried less, embraced where I was, and that I knew everything was going to be better than OK.

 

 

How does SK-II’s #ChangeDestiny campaign resonate with you? Leave us a comment below.

 

This post was in partnership with SK-II, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.

 

The post Stop Comparing Your Timeline to Someone Else’s Highlight Reel—3 Women Share Their Stories appeared first on The Everygirl.

My story starts 23 years ago. I was 13 and headed to get my very first relaxer ever. I had long, thick, and what, at the time, I considered to be unruly hair and had begged my mom for my first big girl hairstyle. For those of you that don’t know, a relaxer is a chemical hair process that straightens curly hair. That day, I walked out of the salon with my mom, sporting a super straight, silky mane. And so began my journey with my hair.

Like many of us, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with my hair over the years. A good haircut here, some unsettling breakage there, an unfortunate color fiasco sprinkled in between a few good hair days. But one thing was always certain: every 8 to 12 weeks, I was headed to the salon to get my relaxer, not even considering there was another option for my hair.

Now, fast forward about a decade and a half later. It was my first-born son’s first birthday. He had the most beautiful, curly hair I’d ever seen. And I knew it was from me. My husband’s birth-given bone-straight locks weren’t the reason my son’s curls were blowing in the wind on our rooftop as we celebrated with friends and family. People have commented on his hair since the day he was born. He came out with a head full of dark curls. And it made me proud. He got it from his mama. I looked at him as we sang “Happy Birthday,” and in my head decided that was the day I was going to start the process of getting my curls back.

This feels like a good point in my story to mention that I’m no hair expert. In fact, I’m the opposite. I started to Google and research and YouTube anything I could to get a little bit smarter on how to do it, how it would work, and what I should know. I was excited about the possibilities of this new/old hair and was so ready for change. By this stage of life, my hair was pretty unhealthy. I was not one of those women who could rock and maintain healthy, relaxed hair. It was damaged, lifeless, and at that point, I kind of felt like this was the change I needed.

Luckily, my friend and longtime stylist Erica was here to help. I’ll take you through a little snapshot of the ups and downs of my transition from straight to natural hair.

 

 

Months 1 – 3

Okay, this is no big deal. I’m committed, I’m doing this. I can’t wait to see some curls. I’m buying ALL the products because maybe there’s some sort of silver bullet to make my hair grow faster and my curls to start popping. Spoiler alert: There is no magic bullet. Healthy hair takes time to grow. Either way, I’m excited to see something… anything!

 

Months 4 – 9

This was a horrible idea. Yes, there’s an itty bitty amount of new growth and what maybe I can consider curls. But they are tangled and hard to manage, and forget styling, I can’t get a comb through my hair! At this stage, thank goodness for Erica, I was getting regular blowouts to better manage the two textures that were happening on my head. At month eight, I made a drastic cut. My once shoulder-length hair was chopped to chin length. It was the biggest cut I’ve ever done, and it felt liberating, to be honest.

 

Months 10 – 20

More of the same. Blowouts every week, little bit more growth, starting to see a good chunk of thick curls and a whole lot of thin straight, relaxed hair peeking through still. The curls look so pretty; the straight hair not so much. I asked my stylist to take my hair even shorter. Ear length. The shortest, by far, my hair had ever been. But man, was it healthy, shiny, and full of life. It was at that moment that the idea of beauty meaning long, straight hair was dead to me. At that moment, I realized that I felt most beautiful with healthy, strong hair — no matter the length or straightness.

 

Months 21 – now

At this stage, I had more natural hair than relaxed hair on my head. I stopped getting regular blowouts which made a huge difference in the texture and growth of my hair. It’s true, less heat does equal healthier hair — and with my hair growth being so slow, I was excited to see the effects of leaving heat alone. I would challenge myself to go for one month, three months, six months with no heat. Forcing myself to figure out new hairstyles and really embrace my new curls and hair.

I’d be lying if I said early on there weren’t moments of “Wow, does my hair look crazy?” or “What will my friends who’ve only seen me with my blown-out hair think?” or “Is this appropriate for a business meeting?” And to be honest, I hated that those thoughts even popped into my head. This was my hair; it grew out of my head, and it was perfect.

Fast forward to being fully natural for about three years, and I truly love my hair. As silly as it may sound, it’s given me a fresh perspective on beauty and confidence. I now have two little boys, both still with amazing curly hair that they got from me. I know going natural isn’t for everyone, but for me, it was more than just about my hair. It was breaking from this “norm” of what I considered to be beautiful.  

As I mentioned, I’m no hair expert, but these are the things that worked for me throughout my transitioning process. And trust me, I’m still learning. By no means have I necessarily hit my hair goals, but what I can say is I’m so happy with that hair that I have right now.

 

 

Patience

 

I know, it’s annoying. But really, I look back at pictures when I thought my hair wasn’t growing at all, and I compare it to just a few months before I could see progress.

 

Products 

 

I’m pretty sure for all of the naturals reading this right now, we can all agree you go through a serious product overload looking for all the things that are going to “work” in your hair. I think honestly it’s all a part of the process, but once you find what works, do yourself a favor and stick with it.

 

Moisturize

 

And speaking of products, find a good leave-in conditioner, daily oil or cream that works for your hair. Natural hair can be dry, and a good moisture routine can make all the difference.

 

Google It

 

I can’t even count the number of YouTube videos I watched for hair inspiration, tutorials, and product recommendations. There are so many incredible hair bloggers and vloggers out there that I was able to tap when I needed a little help.

These days I’m so proud of my big, bouncy waves and curls — it has brought out a different personality in me and connects me even deeper to my boys. And for that, I’m so thankful to have gone through all the highs and lows of transitioning back to my natural hair.

 

A few of my favorite curly hair products:

 

 

Are you thinking about going natural? Did you already transition from relaxed to natural? Share your story below!

The post My Transition From Relaxed to Natural Hair appeared first on The Everygirl.

Taking care of your skin should be numero uno on your beauty to-do list. Not only is it the largest organ in your body, but it also protects your bones and smaller organs. However, now that summer is in full swing, we tend to put our skin through the wringer. From going to the beach to having a picnic in the park, getting sunburn is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from happening.

But what’s so damaging about sunburns in the first place? Well, according to board-certified dermatologist and founder of the educational skincare website, FryFace, Fayne Frey says sunburns can drastically alter your cell DNA. “Ultraviolet light — whether directly from the sun or from artificial sources like tanning lamps and tanning beds — causes direct damage to skin cell DNA resulting in apoptosis or cell death,” Frey explains. “Ultraviolet radiation causes an acute and delayed inflammatory response in the skin and vasodilation of blood vessels, which results in the redness seen with sunburn.” Yikes. While getting a golden-brown tan looks good from the outside, it doesn’t sound good for your insides.

Of course, getting a sunburn is probably not on your summer bucket list. But if you happen to get one while you’re drinking a glass of rosé by the pool, don’t worry, we got you. We tapped Frey to give you the 411 on what you should refrain from doing to your sunburn so you can get back to checking off your summer to-do list.

 

1. Stay out of the sun as much as you can

Take a moment of rest, beach babe. While you might be ready to jump back into the sun to deepen your tan, you may want to take a breather for your skin to heal. “A sunburn is a self-limited condition, usually resolving within three to seven days,” Frey says. “With that being said, one should always stay out of direct sunlight. Exposure to UV light is the most preventable risk factor for all skin cancers.”

 

2. Try not to pick or peel your sunburn

As tempting as it is to pick at your sunburn, you actually could be doing more harm than good. According to Frey, peeling your skin increases the risk of infection. Instead of picking at it, she suggests to let your “skin peel on its own as peeling skin may expose new skin, [which] is too raw.”

But exactly how long does a sunburn take to heal? Healthline claims that mild sunburns can take anywhere from three to five days to heal, whereas a moderate burn can last a week, including a few bonus days of peeling. While this might suck for your outdoor summer plans, this is a good time to catch up on reading your summer reading list or watching your latest Netflix binge from the comfort of your couch.

 

3. Whatever you do, don’t. pop. blisters.

Blisters appear when you have a second-degree burn, which means your epidermis (outer layer) and dermis (lower layer) are damaged. Frey informs that getting rid of them before they properly heal can “increase the chance of [an] infection to spread.”

But how is the best way to take care of blisters? According to Frey, your blisters should “be gently cleaned with a mild cleanser and covered with wet dressings.” However, if you notice that your sunburn is looking pretty bad, you may want to call your doctor. “Individuals with severe blistering sunburns and pain, with system symptoms like fever or headaches, should seek medical attention for fluid replacement and pain relief,” Frey adds.

 

 

4. Avoid ingredients that are too harsh or irritating

Your skin is vulnerable AF right now, and the last thing you want to do is irritate it with harsh ingredients. For instance, Frey explains that “oral steroids have not been shown to be effective in sunburn management [and] petrolatum-based emollients that trap heat into the skin should be avoided. [Plus,] topical analgesics that contain lidocaine or benzocaine can irritate skin and should be avoided.”

Luckily, you can treat your sunburn with plenty of ingredients you already have in your home. “[F]or mild to moderate sunburns, [use] cool compresses, aloe vera-based gels that may provide pain relief, or oral nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen,” Frey explains. Just double-check your aloe gel or lotion before you use it. Make sure it’s made from 100 percent aloe vera and doesn’t include any additive ingredients, such as perfumes or colors, as per Healthline. This will prevent your sunburn from getting worse.

 

5. Refrain from taking hot showers or baths

Unless you want your sunburn to take longer to heal, it’s best to refrain from taking super hot showers or baths. Not only do hot showers dry out your skin by stripping it of its natural oils, but Frey explains that they can also aggravate your sunburn even more. “Sunburns [are] an inflammatory process and the blood vessels are dilated. [During this time,] heat is being released [and] hot showers can further dilate [the] blood vessels,” Frey says.

In an interview with Self, Gary Goldenberg, M.D., assistant clinical professor of dermatology at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai Hospital, said it’s best to take cool showers or baths to help calm inflammation. But as soon as you get out of the shower, you should lightly pat your skin with a towel and apply a light moisturizer to lock all the moisture in. Just make sure to use scent-free or dye-free moisturizers to prevent even more irritation from happening, as Healthline noted.

 

6. Avoid exercise

According to Frey, doing intense exercises is a no-go when you have a sunburn. Not only can you overheat, but the sweat you produce can irritate your inflamed skin even more. “Exercise causes sweating. Sweat is saltwater. Saltwater can be irritating. [Adding] irritation to [an] already irritated sunburned is not recommended. Let the skin recover first, then exercise,” Frey explains.

How long exactly do you have to wait until you can start pumping iron? Well, Jessica Krant, M.D., dermatologist and founder of Art of Dermatology in NYC told Self to put off your workout for about two days and then looking at your skin to assess if exercise would be okay.

 

The post This Is What You Shouldn’t Do to Your Sunburnt Skin appeared first on The Everygirl.

Here’s something to know about me: I honestly love to take care of my skin. Although some people in my life feel as though the number of things I do is too high or that skincare products are a waste of money, since I’ve invested the time and energy into figuring out what my skin wants/needs (and done that), my skin has never looked better. It’s not perfect — I’ve dealt with breakouts, acne scarring, skin discoloration, and the like — but figuring out that it needed way more moisture than it had ever (seriously, ever) gotten before was a total epiphany. Finding out that it’s actually more sensitive than I knew was also a game-changer.

Since then, I’ve tried to be more strategic about the products that I use and when I use them. Needless to say, I’ve had to do a lot of trial and error to figure out what works and what doesn’t. As I was experimenting, I found a blue tansy facial oil from Acure. That oil, plus the luxe-feeling biocellulose masks, pretty much sold me on the brand. I take the cleansing stick with me when I’m traveling, the under-eye gels de-puff and make it look like I’m way more rested than I am, and I’m basically obsessed with the Radically Rejuvenating mask.

So it’s probably no surprise to anyone that when I came across the brand’s Seriously Soothing Solid Serum, I was definitely going to give it a try. I wasn’t really sure what solid serum even was, but I wanted to find out.

As it turns out, solid serum (or “pressed serum”) is a form of condensed serum, according to MindBodyGreen. It’s different than the more traditional liquid form because it’s been mixed with either a wax or natural solid oils (like coconut) to make it solid. In the time that I’ve had the Acure solid serum, however, it’s never hardened completely.

 

 

Depending on the pressed serum you choose, you might be able to replace your other liquid serums with a solid serum, according to Refinery29, but I personally haven’t. I use this in addition to other products. I only use it at night (and not even every night), but the reason it’s a game-changer goes beyond streamlining your skincare routine.

It’s marketed as a three-in-one product, meaning that in addition to working as a facial serum, it also works well on your hands and body, and can act as a makeup remover. Last week, in a moment of desperation, I rubbed some on a bit of sunburn that I got at a weekend Cubs game. The next morning, it was noticeably less red and looked much better (though it’s hard to know if it was the serum, or something else). It’s turned into my go-to product for any skin ailments and anything that would benefit from a hit of hydration (not to mention some blue tansy or black currant — this serum seriously smells so good).

 

 

 

 

It’s basically my skincare secret weapon and it could be yours too (you know, if you try it out). Although everyone’s skincare needs vary and what works well for one person won’t necessarily work at all for someone else, this is one of those things that might be able to do you some serious good even if you don’t want to slather it all over your face as a serum.

 

The post This $16 Solid Serum Is the Skincare Secret Weapon You Didn’t Know You Need appeared first on The Everygirl.

Is there absolutely anything better than going to the spa? Even the water feels luxurious and relaxing (cucumber and mint, please!). But the high prices and time it takes to get a massage or a facial makes a spa day much more of a rare luxury than an everyday occurrence.

But it’s 2019 — pampering is no longer just for the rich or famous, and self-care should be daily. Why not expect more out of your home by turning it into your very own spa (*masseuses and hot stones not included*)? Turn your home into your own pampering oasis with these luxurious, relaxing, and affordable products. The only problem is that you won’t ever want to leave your house — you’ve been warned!

The post 15 Products to Make Your Home Feel Like a Spa appeared first on The Everygirl.

In a perfect world, on a humid summer morning, I’d roll out of bed with soft, tousled, beachy waves and would make my way to work with my locks perfectly intact, smooth, and luscious. In reality, 10 seconds after I step outside every morning, no matter if I curled or straightened my hair, it ends up in the same disheveled, frizzy, half-wave mess.

When the temperature is high (and the humidity is even higher), the last thing anyone wants is their hair sticking to the back of their neck, or worse, putting effort in in the morning to have it all go to waste before 9 am. (And is there anything worse than blow-drying your hair when it’s 100 degrees out?).

The good news is that there are plenty of hairstyles that can be accomplished without heat tools or a ton of effort in the mornings. The better news is that hair accessories are as in as ever, and you can use them all summer long to tame your mane in the chicest way possible. Put the curling iron down and try out these easy, heat-free hairstyles this summer.

 

Accessories

 

1. Tie it back with a scrunchie

 

 

Scrunchies aren’t just for ’80s-themed parties or tossing your hair up while you clean the house anymore. In all the colors, patterns, and textures under the sun, there’s a scrunchie that can compliment any outfit the summer brings.

 

2. Keep cool with a headband

 

 

Headbands are the perfect lazy-girl accessory. Didn’t have time to shower? Headband. Trying to dress up a ponytail or bun? Headband. Want to distract everyone from your frizzy, humidity-stricken hair? Headband. Opt for a hard version, or tie a silk scarf around your head for a sweat-proof look to take you through summer.

 

Utilize clips

 

 

When it’s muggy out, the last thing you want is for your hair to be falling in your face. Use them to hold it back, or accessorize your un-done look with clips to make it look like you put a little more effort in than you did (we won’t tell).

 

 

Products

 

When you’re going blow-dryer-free, there are products that are meant for taming hair as it air-drys. Skip the heat and give your hair natural texture and shine with the help of these:

 

Styles

 

Top Knot

Keep your hair out of your face and off your neck with a chic, maintenance top knot. It’s the quickest way to look put-together with the least amount of effort. Bonus: you can head to your important Monday meeting with one and nobody will think anything of it.

 

 

Sleek, low bun

From The Everymom’s Social Media Editor, Jessie: “Somewhere between low block heels replacing stilettos and mom jeans making a comeback, our grandma’s low bun became cool again, and we’re not mad about it. This style is so easy that it can be used as a go-to, or a last resort if you’re hair just won’t cooperate. We love this style for showing off a good pair of statement earrings.”

 

 

Low messy bun

When you need a maintenance look for going out, a low, messy bun looks romantic and un-done in a purposeful way. Pull a few face-framing pieces out and hit them with your curling iron to give it an extra oomph.

 

 

Heatless waves

When you need to have your hair down but still can’t manage turning on your curling iron, there are heatless ways to achieve a similar look while still being able to press the snooze button in the morning.

 

 

 Slicked-back ponytail

From The Everymom’s Social Media Editor, Jessie: “Fly-aways, baby hairs, edges, whatever you call them — the hair along our hairline always seems to be an issue for so many of us in the summer months. A slicked-back pony is the perfect way to look put-together and stylish at the same time. Plus, with the right products, it will stay put, and you can say goodbye to worrying about upkeep throughout the day.”

 

 

Tell us your favorite summer hairstyles in the comments!

The post Hairstyles to Rock When It’s Hot AF Out appeared first on The Everygirl.