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As women in general, we talk a lot about timelines — where you should be in your career, when you should meet “The One,” how old you want to be when you get married, and the age it’s “smart” to start having children. The truth is that we often feel a lot of pressure to not only “have it all,” but when to have it.

The pressure to get married is especially strong for women in their 20s and 30s. All the single girls probably have heard “it’s time to settle down already!” from a nosy relative every Thanksgiving, and girls in relationships hear, “when are you going to tie the knot??” all too frequently. Loved ones often have expectations of when we should get married and who we should get married to. Since timelines never work out as planned, it leads to stress, disappointment, or even unhappiness and a lack of self-confidence when things don’t happen like you (or others) anticipated.

This video from one of our favorite skincare brands, SK-II, got us thinking about all these pressures we put on ourselves. It explores the lives of real women who are pursuing their own dreams, disregarding timelines along the way, and defying the expectations of loved ones. Since women around the globe share the same pressures, we wanted to hear from you about the pressure to get married, so we asked readers to share their experiences.

Watch SK-II’s video to learn more about the timeline society puts on women, then read on for real women’s perspectives about the pressures of getting married.

 

 

Selina, 30, San Antonio, TX

I definitely have a self-imposed pressure to get married. When I was younger I thought I would be married before 30, and maybe close to having my first kid. I can tell you now I’m not even close to any of that. The pressure I put on myself stems heavily from past societal norms. I get scared that if I don’t get married soon I will lose the chance to have a family. The pressure affects my relationship with my parents in some ways because I know they want that for me. My mom reminds me often that she wants grandchildren. It affects my relationship with my extended family (aunts and uncles) who always ask when I’m going to settle down or make snide comments on how I sure am focusing on my career — it has honestly caused me to avoid some family gatherings.

It’s also starting to affect my dating life. I’m starting to question if a relationship has marriage potential as opposed to just having fun and seeing where it goes. Mostly, I had this picture in my head of how my life would be. I’ve had to learn to let go of that pressure and accept that life rarely goes as planed, and remind myself there are many women in the position that I am. I will not let the pressure I put on myself make me not get what I want and I deserve. If I have to wait for it, it’ll be worth it in the end.

 

Delaney, 23, Claremont, California

Like so many of us, I really get caught up and brainwashed by the idea of having a “timeline” for my life. Most of my friends are either engaged, married, expecting children or already mothers! It’s wild how comparison can weigh on us if we allow it to. Sometimes I fall into the comparison trap and feel like I am falling behind at times. I definitely feel a continuous pressure to find my person and worry about when that time will come. It also doesn’t help going out to friend and family functions where everyone reminds me how great I am and continue to ask me “how are you still single?” or “when are you going to meet somebody?”

I know I have so much going for me. I’m a college graduate and have a steady job, good friends and family, opportunities to travel — but I still get in my head and frequently worry when I will meet my person and settle down. This creates unnecessary anxiety in my life that sometimes carries into my relationships and work. Everyone’s journey looks different and I shouldn’t feel “less than” just because I am not married or don’t  have marriage on the horizon. In reality, nobody is worried about my life timeline but me! It is entirely self-inflicted and I wish I didn’t spend so much time worrying about marriage when I have so much else going for me in my life. 

 

 

Sarah, 30, Las Vegas, NV

I’ve been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for a year. We met on a dating app and fell for each other immediately. I know he’s who I want to be with forever. But, the crazy part is I feel less self-imposed pressure to be married than what I did before we met. Before we met, I felt this immediate need to get married and have babies. Obviously, I still want those things and I am with the man I want to continue to share life with, but I feel so at ease to be present and enjoy the now with him. I look forward to those milestones now, but don’t want to rush past these moments.

 

Stephanie, 30, Seattle, WA

I struggled so much with this that I saw a therapist for six months to learn how to handle my anxiety and to try and ease the pressure I self-impose of having the “perfect life.” It negatively affected my confidence, it hurt my relationship with my partner, and it consumed me. 

 

Byanca, 25, Chicago, IL

I’ve been in a relationship for about seven years (rare high school sweethearts) and we are very much in love, openly talk about marriage, and want to get married. But I’m constantly battling myself in my head about if I should already be married or not. Friends around me are constantly getting engaged (and I am over the moon for them, genuinely) but we have no money. We decided to make the move from Michigan to Chicago and that took precedence over getting engaged, and I’m happy about our decision. My family is always making jokes about when we’re going to get engaged — and there were even some uncomfortable conversations had about us moving in together but not being married (which is absurd in my opinion, but to each their own). I take comfort in the fact that I know where we both stand on marriage and it’s something that I know will happen.

 

 

Anonymous

I put that pressure on myself because I know my parents want to be grandparents one day, and I want to give that to them before they are too old to enjoy it. I know you don’t have to be married to have kids; I also want the partner aspect for myself. My career has never been my top priority in life, but now that I’m almost 30, I kind of use that as an excuse as to why I’m single. “Oh, I have been focusing on my career and don’t have time to date.” Which is better than saying, “I’m trying, but no one seems to like me.”

 

McKenzie, 29, Indiana

I was always so hard on myself about getting married, and that that’s what had to happen after college. A year after graduation, my boyfriend proposed and I accepted — but almost immediately after saying yes, I started experiencing horrible anxiety. After countless amounts of breakdowns, I called off our wedding six months before the big day. I started therapy the next day and soon realized that I was putting so much pressure to getting married because I thought I had to stick to a timeline I was unrealistically pushing on myself. I can happily say my fiancé stayed by my side through therapy sessions and breakdowns to actually have me propose to him a year later. We’ve been married for two-and-a-half years and I couldn’t have made a better decision for myself. 

 

Ashley, 27, Phoenix, AZ

I was born and raised in North Dakota, and moved to Arizona a month after college graduation for my career. I’ve focused on it, but am still looking for a guy in the meantime. Every time I go back home, the residents from my hometown ask why I’m not married yet. I explain to them why and it’s like THE biggest disappointment to them. Literally, almost everyone from my graduating class is married and has at least one kid. I want to go to my 10-year reunion next year, but I don’t want to be judged just because I don’t have a man. I’m a strong believer that it’ll happen when it’s suppose to happen, but I’m also way too focused on it with all the dating apps on my phone.

 

Allana, 22, Virginia

My family jokes that we’re good at two things: getting married and having kids. Almost all of my family members were married with a child by the time they were 24, and I was always told that would happen for me too. I’m in a serious relationship of three years, and we know we want to get married, but the timing isn’t right just yet. Meanwhile, my family‘s favorite question to ask is when he’ll propose. I’d love if we could shift the focus from when we get married to how our relationship has developed. We have become immensely better people since we started dating, and I owe a lot of my personal growth to him.

 

Megan, 24, Los Angeles, CA

I went to a Catholic university where most of my friend met their future spouses in college, and have been getting married and starting to have children rapidly since graduation. Being single for that whole time just made me feel like I was left behind and that there was something wrong with me. Now that I’m at the start of a new relationship, I’m worried that I’m going to move too fast to “catch up.”

 

Christine, 30, Boston, MA

My boyfriend and I are celebrating our five-year anniversary this summer, and our one-year anniversary as homeowners. There is a sense of pressure to be married. First a dog, then a ring, marriage, house, and babies — it’s what I’ve heard since I was little. I’ve realized that most of it is external; that it’s what people expect. It wouldn’t change much about our relationship other than putting a ring on my finger and possibly changing my name. I think people take “husband” to mean more than boyfriend, especially in the workplace. There are so many good things that make us work that if we do get married, it will be when and how we want it to be, not because of societal expectations.

 

 

Kelsey, 25, Arkansas

As I prepare for two weddings this year where I’ll stand by my friends and watch them marry the love of their lives, I sometimes get filled with worry about when it will finally be my turn. I want the other side of life. I received a master’s degree by 24 — which is something I am so happy about — but I want to fall in love with someone and begin a new life. I also worry about being too old to have children. I want to be young [when I have them], and I know that’s a personal choice, but I have to believe that everything happens for a reason.

 

Allison, 29, Wichita, KS

I want my boyfriend to marry me. Although we own a home together and have the most beautiful baby girl, I want marriage. My wish for marriage, and a baby crying in the night, have honestly been our only conflicts throughout our relationship. For as confident as I am in myself and our relationship I often meditate on why I put the pressure on. I think lately it’s the first impression to others. For a long time I thought it was the combining of our name, our story, and our legacy, in addition to the ultimate promise to each other. I think I just want to plan “elope” with the minimum, but I think we may have a wedding one day?

 

Jenna, 32, Delaware

I recently got out of a 10-year relationship that I held on to for so long hoping it would turn into marriage — I was terrified of being in my 30s and not being married. This self-imposed pressure resulted in me being unhappy for a long time, because I figured if he didn’t want to marry me, no one would — so I stuck around. I think there has definitely been an upswing on positive social media regarding not having to fit into a certain timeline and it has helped me understand that what’s supposed to happen will happen at the right time.

 

 

Madison, 24, Tennessee

I’m about to graduate with my bachelor’s in journalism with a focus in political reporting. The reason I feel that I have to be married soon is that everyone else seems to be married, and I hate feeling like I am the only one. I’ve been together with my boyfriend for three-and-a-half years, and we have lived together for two of those, and I just feel like I’m so behind. I grew up in New England but live in Tennessee. Down here, people tend to get married younger than back home — at least in my experience.

I just feel like it makes me look more put-together and stops making people look at me funny when we aren’t even engaged and are nearing our four-year anniversary. I know deep down that marriage doesn’t make everyone respect you more, but for someone who took her time in college and still hasn’t found that “big girl” career yet, it makes me feel like that even if I haven’t found my career yet, I can have some stability in my life. It’s hard to feel like you’re so behind not only in a career, but also your love life. It’s the worst.

 

Emily, 27, Chicago, IL

I’m 27 and recently I have felt this intense pressure to get married. I have never felt this way before, but I believe it comes from being from the South where so many people are already married with at least one kid by 27. Since graduating college, I have been pretty career-focused —  I moved across the country twice for my career — which seems great. I know a lot of people admire me and think that I’m this hot-shot career woman, but it honestly gets lonely sometimes.

I sacrificed two relationships that I truly felt could have been “it” for me to focus and put my career first. Don’t get me wrong, I love my career and I feel very strongly that a woman should value and put her career first, but it’s hard. Recently, I feel like I have been fixating on the fact that I turn 28 in a few months, and not only am I not married, but I’m not even in a relationship. Sometimes, it leads me to not focus or feel as driven at work. I feel like my friends are so tired of hearing me talk about the fact that I’m not married, and the thought of up and moving to revisit those relationships that I gave up for my career has crossed my mind at least once a month for the last year. Basically, I feel like this pressure I have put on myself has lead me to acting a little crazy.

 

 

Kelly, 29, NYC, NY

Although I live in a big city now, I was raised in a small town where people usually stay put to start families. Although I’ve accomplished all of my biggest goals, whenever I’m home, I still feel that people don’t understand my singleness. I know the right relationship is coming, but it’s easy to feel pressured by my humble beginnings.

 

Amanda, 27, Louisiana

I’m from the South, so if you’re not married by your mid-20s, what are you even doing with your life? That’s probably where my pressure to get married started. I’m 27, and the older I get, the more I feel like there I’m in a race to “seal the deal.” Since my early 20s, I’ve second-guessed a lot of decisions because they could jeopardize my chances to get married — even if it was clearly the right decision for me.

I’m in a great long-term relationship, and marriage isn’t our priority right now (because #adulting and financial responsibility and so many other good reasons). But I still feel this urgency to move to the next step, and I don’t feel like I’ll ever be secure in a relationship until there is a ring on my finger. The logical part of me knows that a ring doesn’t change a relationship, but my low-key obsession with marriage never really goes away. It’s even caused me to question whether I’m in a relationship for the right reasons. I’d LOVE to get married — but for the right reasons. The pressure I put on myself is definitely something I need to work through before I can say marriage is the right choice for me. 

 

 

Melanie, 35, Bradenton, FL

I felt a self-imposed pressure to get married because all of my college friends were marrying their college boyfriends. I had always done everything “right” — good student, went to a great university, played college and professional soccer, and always “won” at everything I did. I pressured myself and my college boyfriend to get married at 27, and we were divorced by 30. I don’t quite understand why we impose this pressure, but society and societal norms do play a role in relationships.

 

Courtney, 28, Columbus, OH

I  think older generations just don’t understand why I’m not settled down with a baby. I had an old boss ask why I wasn’t waiting for a husband to purchase a house versus doing it alone — and that I better find him soon since my biological clock is ticking. (Old guys can be such stereotypes sometimes!) Also, it could be a Midwest thing, but my cousins who are younger than me are married with children.

Work and friends used to be the two sources of my pressure, until recently when all my friends started settling down. I am happy for all of them, but I have this nagging question of whether or not I’m being left behind — is it my fault I haven’t found someone? It sucks because a woman who has paid her own way through college, works full time, paid off her car, bought a house, and handles everything that comes with home ownership still isn’t seen as successful. It’s frustrating that the only accomplishment is marriage.

 

Katy, 30, Kentucky

As my 31st birthday is fast approaching, I feel the pressure increasing to “find someone.” For me, that pressure comes from being surrounded by people in serious relationships. I am literally the only single person I know right now, and it feels isolating in ways. I am also the ONLY single one out of my siblings. It can be hard to relate or find ways to get out of the house when I’m going to be the third wheel, or when no one is available because they already have plans with their significant other. This absolutely affects my relationships, my work, and my self-esteem (but I’m trying not to let it). I feel that any time I do spend time with friends, it will inevitably lead to someone trying to set me up — which in turn, makes me less likely to want to go out or hang out with friends. It feels isolation, being the “single friend,” and as I’m not getting any younger, that label feels increasingly present.

 

 

 

Danielle, 32, NYC, NY

I definitely feel this hardcore. It’s hard. I’m 32, live in my own apartment in NYC, am a director of marketing at a large media company, make six figures, work out daily, and yet, because I’m not married or in a relationship, people automatically think I’m a failure. It’s disheartening — I worked really hard to get to this place and I’m single moreso because I haven’t found the person who fits into my life and is their own person. Many of my friends are married and many relatives will berate me with questions about my dating life before they even congratulate me on my recent successes. It’s sad, but it’s reality.

 

Anonymous, 32, Chicago, IL

I come from a very small community in Iowa. I have traveled all over the world and have accomplished a lot, but when I go back to visit  the first question I’m asked is, “Are you married yet?” I am very happy, but when I hear this, it stresses me out to think I don’t know why I’m not. Am I supposed to be as successful in my personal life as my professional life? Do I need to change myself to be more outgoing or more confident? Do I need to change up my social circle?

 

Anonymous, 25, Los Angeles, CA

I grew up in an Indian family where graduating from college and marriage are the only two milestones in life. I feel obligated to find “The One,” because the kids of my parents’ friends are already engaged or soon-to-be engaged. I’m 24, and my “life plan” was to date for three-to-five years and be engaged by 26, which means I needed to find “The One” like, a year ago. I want to be a young mom, but I also don’t want to rush a marriage. It affects guys I date because I automatically rule them out for not being “marriage” material, and I instantly seek men with “husband” qualities rather than growing with my partner.

 

 

How does SK-II’s #ChangeDestiny campaign resonate with you? Leave us a comment below.

 

This post was in partnership with SK-II, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.

 

The post Women Share Why They Feel Pressure to Get Married appeared first on The Everygirl.

As a self-proclaimed beauty addict, minimizing my beauty routine (and then writing about it) feels like I’m going against my core. But to be quite honest, it’s the peak of summer and I just can’t stomach my hard work melting off my face as soon as I walk out the door. And don’t even get me started on the ~ havoc ~ that is blow drying your when it’s 90 degrees outside, so you morph into a sweat-drenched mess BEFORE you step outside and become a sweat-drenched mess with the rest of the public.

 

 

So I’ve traded in my extensive beat for something much more simple — opting for products that can do multiple jobs with a single application. And you know what? I kind of love it. But no matter how hot it is or how little time I have to get ready, there are a few essentials I just can’t let go of.

The best part? You can pick them all up on your next Sephora run. We all know Sephora as the beauty lover’s idea of paradise, but shopping at the Disney World of glam has benefits that go past just their cult-approved selection. Not only does Sephora make it easy to test new products while stocking up on your favorites, there are tons of rewards and perks with their Beauty Insider Program. Take advantage of free products, exclusive services, special promotions, free shipping, and more — just for signing up.

Keep scrolling to see the 12 products I always find a place for in my routine, and let us know if you snag one on your next Sephora trip.

 

 

 

This post was in partnership with Sephora, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.

The post I’ve Minimized My Beauty Routine—But These Are the Products I’ll Never Give Up appeared first on The Everygirl.

While getting my weekly manicure, I experienced a bout of envy — not because someone stole the color I had in mind, but because I didn’t explore two of the trendiest options there. Powder dip nails and acrylic nails aren’t necessarily new, but if you look on Instagram for inspo, you’ll find enough hashtags to send you spiraling down a rabbit hole. And even though both look similar, there are some vast differences between acrylics and powder dip nails that you should know about before booking.

“Powder dip nails and acrylics have a ton of similarities, except that in both, the bonding agents are different,” manicurist Kylie Kwok says. “Dip requires a resin-based agent like super glue, whereas acrylics require monomer to form the acrylic nails.” A monomer is a chemical liquid that holds the acrylic and the nail together. It posses a strong chemical smell — you know the one as soon as you walk into a salon? Yep, that one. But without this liquid, the acrylic process is not possible.

Celebrity nail artist Erica Marton also agrees that both powder dip and acrylics are almost the same, but notes that acrylics are more time consuming, costly, and last longer. But when it comes to safety, she’d go with dip. “The process is less invasive — it’s a standard manicure,” Marton says. “The manicurist dips your nails in a jar full of powder that’s hopefully a single dip.”

Note that powder dip nails aren’t FDA-approved yet, and there are many nail professionals think the process isn’t sanitary because of the risk of cross-contamination. “You technically aren’t supposed to dip different clients’ fingers into the same pot, even though this is something salons do quite often,” Mazz Hanna, a professional nail artist, tells TZR. When you dip nails directly into a pot of powder and let the excess fall back into the pot, the risk of infection increases.

 

 

But overall, the verdict is technically still out on whether one process is safer than the other. “I’d say they both have the same amount of safety concerns. However, dip is a bit safer because the layers are not as thick as acrylics, and it reduces the chances of nail beds breaking and fungal infections,” Kwok says. Whereas, with acrylics, there is toluene, a toxic chemical found in acrylic nail glue. It’s known to cause respiratory issues, irritated skin, headaches, and dizziness.

The most definitive difference, of course, is the the application. With dip nails, you’re essentially getting a basic manicure in the sense that you pick the color, and a base coat is applied. Marton explains your nails get dipped a few times in a powder made from a silica, which has a dust-like texture. After that, your nails get sealed with a top coat. Once the powder dries, you’re free to adorn your base with designs and embellishments, like normal.

The process of applying acrylic nails is a bit more involved. First, your nails get sized with plastic nail extensions and then positioned to the tip of your nail bed. After the extensions receive glue and dry, the nail artist will fill in the spaces between your natural nail and the artificial nail with a liquid mix. “After that, a nail drill buffs the nails and makes them smooth,” Marton explains. After that, your nails get painted and finished off with a top coat.

No matter the differences, both Marton and Kwok note that you should not perform these techniques at home. The chemicals used are harmful if you don’t know how to apply them to your nails properly.

Whatever technique you like best, ahead, see pro artist picks just in case your powder dip nails or acrylics need a quick repair in between manicures.

 

Shop Powder Dip & Acrylic Nail Repair

 

 

This article originally appeared on The Zoe Report on July 23, 2019

The post Powder Dip vs. Acrylic Nails: The Biggest Differences, Explained appeared first on The Everygirl.

If you care about skincare like I care about skincare (which is, like, a lot), then you’re probably familiar with all or most of the ingredients on this list. But do you really know what they do and if they’re right for your skin? At The Everygirl, we’re big believers that just because it’s a trend doesn’t mean it’s right for you — that goes for diets, for fashion, and yes, for skincare. So here is everything you need to know about the most buzz-worthy ingredients of the year to help you decide whether or not these trends are worth the hype (and money). 

 

Polyhydroxy Acids

So you’ve probably heard of AHAs and BHAs before, or at least have seen them on the bottle of your overnight mask or at-home peel. These popular ingredients are actually chemical exfoliants, called alpha hydroxy acids (typically “glycolic acid”) and beta hydroxy acids (typically “salicyclic acid”) — instead of sloughing away dead skin cells with manual exfoliation (think: that grainy face scrub you used in high school), it uses a chemical reaction. But polyhydroxy acid (PHAs) are the new chemical exfoliant in town. It has a larger molecule, making it gentler than its harsher cousins, AHAs and BHAs. Bonus: PHAs are also a humectant, meaning they attracts moisture to the skin while they exfoliate. 

Try if: you want to try a chemical exfoliant but have sensitive skin.

 

 

Hyaluronic Acid

Hyaluronic acid is another member of the acid family, but with very different purposes. The ingredient (also known as glycosaminoglycan) became famous for its ability to stop or prevent aging. This is because the body actually makes its own hyaluronic acid to lubricate connective tissues. As we age, our bodies make less hyaluronic acid, causing skin elasticity and hydration to dwindle overtime. The ingredient not only works wonders for anti-aging, but also for skin hydration by attracting moisture to the skin.

Try if: you have dry skin or want a gentle anti-aging product

 

 

CBD

CBD (aka cannabidiol) started trending in 2018, and with major beauty brands like Peter Thomas Roth and Josie Maran jumping on the CBD bandwagon, it’s not going anywhere in 2019. While there’s still limited research on the topic, CBD does have major anti-inflammation properties, as well as vitamins A, D, and E. Plus, skin inflammation is not only the cause of acne flare-ups or sensitive skin — it also causes premature aging, making anti-inflammation a key property in skincare. CBD might just be with the hype after all. 

Try if: you have skin irritation like cystic acne or rosacea 

 

 

Bakuchiol

OK, so maybe this is one you haven’t exactly heard about or seen on your skincare bottles, but you’ve probably heard of retinol, aka the super ingredient for major anti-aging, acne-reducing, and glow-boosting benefits that’s in everything from your facial oil to your eye cream. Bakuchiol is an ingredient derived from the psoralea corylifolia plant that has been shown to provide most of the same benefits as retinol, but without the harsh side effects (irritation, peeling, dryness).

Try if: you have sensitive skin or want a plant-based retinol alternative

 

 

Vitamin C

Vitamin C, or ascorbic acid, is in oranges, in broccoli, and in your skincare. It’s an antioxidant that regenerates the skin, shown to increase collagen production. As if that weren’t enough, the skin superstar has an enzyme called tyrosinase, which treats and prevents hyperpigmentation. As an antioxidant, it also protects against pollution and sun damage (though does not suffice as an SPF replacement!). Vitamin C can help repair free radical damage and brighten complexion. It’s generally safe and side effects are limited, but be picky about which products you depend on for your dose of vitamin C — not all are created equal, and oftentimes the vitamin C is absorbed by the formula and it never actually reaches the skin. Opt for powder formulas or high quality brands you trust.

Try if: you have hyperpigmentation or dark spots

 

 

Witch Hazel

That’s right, the ingredient found in the cult-classic toner you used as a pre-teen is back in style. Witch hazel is a plant with powerful medicinal properties, including benefits for skincare. The plant contains gallic acid, tannins, and antioxidants that help reduce inflammation, and also works as an astringent to fight acne-causing bacteria and shrink pores. As a bonus, witch hazel also might help protect skin against sun damage — one study found that the ingredient helped neutralize harmful free radicals and prevented the spread of skin cancer cells.

Try if: you have skin irritation like redness, acne, eczema, or psoriasis.

 

 

Marula Oil

Step aside rosehip — there’s a new oil in town and it’s good. Not only is this lightweight oil packed with antioxidants and omega fatty acids, but it also has a high concentrate of another superfood ingredient, vitamin C — you’re basically getting a two-for-one deal. It doesn’t clog pores or irritate skin, and it’s anti-microbial so it can help kill acne-causing bacteria. Basically, it boosts glow, fights aging, hydrates skin, and doesn’t clog pores — what can’t this oil do?

Try if: you have dry or sallow skin or are looking for an oil that’s good for oily or sensitive skin

 

 

Which buzz-worthy skincare ingredient have you been loving lately?

The post The Everygirl’s Definitive Guide to 2019’s Trendiest Skincare Ingredients appeared first on The Everygirl.

It’s 2019 — the top two highest paid celebrities are women, there are whole marches and movements dedicated to the power of females, and there are more women in congress than ever before (let’s hear it for the ladiesss!!). So why, oh why, are we smashing through glass ceilings and demanding equality, but still dealing with such intense societal pressures? It’s because there are some traditions and beliefs that are so inherent to society that sometimes we don’t even know to question them — one of these beliefs is the idea that we have a specific timeline to follow. But what happens when the timeline — degree, marriage, children — doesn’t work out as expected (because it never really does)?

 

 

Three of our editors are sharing their experience with the pressure to stick to a timeline, in order to bring awareness to the unfair expectations that are put on our shoulders by society, loved ones, or ourselves. We are going to be the new generation that writes our own rules, and decides to do things our way. But in order to do that, we have to recognize the timelines we give ourselves first.

One of our favorite girl crushes, Katie Couric partnered with the global skincare brand SK-II for the latest #ChangeDestiny campaign, inspiring women all over the globe to follow their own dreams and rewrite their timelines. We were inspired by the powerful video exploring women’s dreams and how they clash with loved ones’ expectations.

Watch SK-II’s video to learn more about the clash between dreams and expectations for women, and read on for our own perspectives and how we’re ready to do things differently.

 

 

My mom and dad married each other at the ages of 22 and 25 respectively — a fact I knew in my head from a very young age. And while they have never put a certain pressure on me to follow the same timeline they did, I remember growing up having the thought that “22 is the age when you get married.” Not only that, but both my mom and sister met the men who would become their husbands when they were each 17 years old — another fact that I’ve subconsciously carried with me for years.

Both the milestones of ages 17 and 25 have come and gone, and I’m no closer to marriage now than I was then. Again I say that no one in my family has ever placed pressure on me to align with their own timelines — but it’s easy to feel that you’re doing something wrong (or missing out on something) when you don’t follow a pattern.

Unfortunately, the timeline in my head depicting when I should get married has nothing to do with what I grew up wanting or what I see and want for myself — instead, it focuses solely on how others see me. I put pressure on myself to get married sooner rather than later because I never want anyone to see me as unworthy, pathetic, or as damaged goods — things I would never say about anyone else unmarried, but that I frequently allow myself to think about myself. When I see other women living out their career dreams, forming friendships, traveling the world, and doing other things independently, I applaud them — but worry that others wouldn’t applaud me for doing the same.

It’s important for me to remember and to hear from other women that we are all in this life together — we all want to support each other and lift each other up as opposed to tearing down each other’s choices. As quick as I am to praise other women for embracing a life of individuality and independence, I should be even quicker to praise those qualities in myself. I may or may not get married some day — but that decision should be and will be based on what I want, not on what I think others would respect.

 

 

 

While I haven’t felt the same societal pressures from culture like these women in the video discuss, and I am #blessed with parents who truly only want me to be happy (whatever happiness looks like to me), there’s still no escaping “the Timeline” (capital “T”). My Timeline comes in the form of an inherent desire to have children. Like, if I could have 10 kids, I would. I’d be like that little old lady who lived in a shoe and had so many children she didn’t know what to do — some girls dream of being CEO, I dream of being a nursery rhyme.

However, I still want the dream career that lasts a lifetime, and I still want the Happily Ever After with a marriage that sweeps me off my feet before children ever become a part of the picture. Add that on top of ongoing reproductive problems that have instilled a consistent anxiety that my fertility journey won’t exactly be a breeze, and my window of time, even at a young 24, doesn’t exactly seem so wide.

I feel very fortunate that I’m in a healthy, happy relationship, much younger than I ever thought I would be. My boyfriend and I are very much on the same page about pursuing our individual careers and lives for the time being, but there’s still the anxiety of the uncertain. Sure, it feels like “forever,” but in the chance that it doesn’t work out, does that mean I have to start over? As young as I am and as much life I have yet to live, I can’t escape the nagging thought in the back of my mind that there’s a timeline I need to stick to in order to start a family. It almost feels like I need to not only be “on time,” but be ahead of time in order to make that anxiety go away. And being “ahead of time” or even just “on time,” will probably never happen like it should.

Is it just me, or is it painfully apparent to anyone else that men don’t really have the same idea of “Timeline,” if for no other reason than they do not literally have a biological ticking time bomb? SK-II’s video reminded me to be aware of the pressure I put on myself to follow a timeline, and try to separate my dreams from my own expectations. I may not become the little old lady who lived in a shoe, but I want to enjoy my 20s with a little more faith that everything will happen when the timing is right — not “right” because it’s the next notch in my Timeline, but “right” because I’m actually happy.

 

 

 

 

Back in my 20s, I had a life plan that would determine my happiness. I would figure out my career, get married, and have a baby by the time I was 30.

My career was just starting to come together at 29 when we launched The Everygirl, and I struggled financially the next few years while we grew our website. I was already failing. This video spoke of timelines and milestones: a degree, a marriage, and a family. I can relate so much to these young women who feel pressure to reach those milestones by a certain age. There’s so much pressure to do the things society tells us will make us complete.

The self-imposed timelines killed me for most of my 20s and 30s. Some days, I felt great about where I was; others, I felt like I’d never figure it all out. Whether it’s reaching a certain point in your career, owning a home, buying that designer bag you’ve wanted for forever, starting a family, or gaining more Instagram followers, there’s always something we want or think we need in order to be happy — in order to be enough.

When these things don’t happen exactly when we think they should – which is often how that works out – we’re left feeling “less than” or incomplete. In an age where we can follow thousands of people we don’t know on social media, seeing how good we think everyone has it can be really damaging. The engagement and baby announcements, weddings, vacations, designer clothes, and often curated moments are a small piece of the puzzle – a glimpse.

I was a victim to the pressure. Learning to let go of timelines was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I got married at 35 had a baby a few months before my 36th birthday. The way my life turned out is exactly what I was afraid of, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Everything happened years after when I thought they should, but I learned so much along the way. I grew a company, traveled, and figured out who I was before finding someone to commit myself to — before taking on parenthood when I had so much growing up to do.

I forged my own path. I wish I had worried less, embraced where I was, and that I knew everything was going to be better than OK.

 

 

How does SK-II’s #ChangeDestiny campaign resonate with you? Leave us a comment below.

 

This post was in partnership with SK-II, but all of the opinions within are those of The Everygirl editorial board.

 

The post Stop Comparing Your Timeline to Someone Else’s Highlight Reel—3 Women Share Their Stories appeared first on The Everygirl.